


Monsters in my heart

by elletromil



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Mention of Past Abuse, Pet Names
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-02-05
Packaged: 2018-09-22 05:46:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9586331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elletromil/pseuds/elletromil
Summary: When Harry realised that Eggsy wasn't comfortable with being called pet names, he stopped without being asked. He had not expected Eggsy to bring the subject on the table a few months later.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheSilverQueen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSilverQueen/gifts).



> This is one of the fic I wrote for my giveaway, this one for TheSilverQueen, who asked for
> 
> Can you write something where Harry starts calling Eggsy pet names after they get together (harry lives, obvs) but Eggsy associates pet names with Dean ordering his mom around or his mom being like “it’s okay, babe, it’s just a broken arm, he didn’t mean it” and so Harry has to gently get Eggsy used to the sensation of being called darling, dearest just because Harry loves him, not because he’s about to ask a “favor” 
> 
> It was really an interesting prompt to work with and let me explore an aspect of Eggsy's past and life I seldom linger on.

Harry notices nearly at once of course. He’s not a spy for nothing after all.

Still, if one were to ask him, he would still say it took him far too long. His romantic relationship with Eggsy might still be in the early stages, but it is simply no excuse not to have noticed that flash of discomfort in his eyes anytime Harry would call him dearest or darling or any other pet name really.

At first he thinks Eggsy merely doesn’t like the nearly constant verbal affection, which really Harry can understand. Not even a year ago, he wouldn’t have believed it if anyone had told him he would act so disgustingly romantic, but that was before he met Eggsy and his darling boy stole his heart. For some reason, when he brushes on the subject with Merlin, his old friend only rolls his eyes and tells him that, personally, he’s far from being surprised. Harry has always had a flair for the dramatic after all, so of course he’s going to be all over the place when he’s in love.

After that, it’s not exactly easy and he winces every time an endearment escapes past his lips, but he makes the conscious effort to stop. There are other ways he can show his love and Eggsy is more than receptive to the little kisses Harry will instead pepper on his hair, neck and cheeks.

Once he’s made the change, he never thinks they’ll discuss it and kind of forget about the subject.

Until Eggsy brings it on the table a couple of months later.

~

They’re cuddling on the sofa, not really doing anything besides drinking a nice cuppa. Well Eggsy has a book on his lap and Harry his tablet in hands, but neither of them are even pretending to be looking at them.

“Say Harry, why did you stop calling me all those pet names?”

The question surprises him, but he doesn’t try to pretend he doesn’t know what Eggsy is talking about.

“Well, you didn’t seem to like them, so I didn’t see any reason to continue.”

Eggsy shakes his head at his answer, but it takes a moment before he starts talking again.

“It’s not that I don’t like them, it’s just… With Dean, whenever he would call my mom something like that it meant he wanted something. And when my mom would call me something sweet, it was so I wouldn’t rat Dean out.”

“Eggsy,” he’s so horrified, that he can barely get the words out. He’s been a spy for years, he knows all about the little things that make bad memories creep up unannounced and to have been the reason behind his lover’s discomfort is unforgivable. “I had no idea. I am-”

Eggsy holds a hand up, cutting him off before he can say more.

“Don’t say you’re sorry, you didn’t _know_ , I know you didn’t. For fuck’s sake, _I_ didn’t make the connection until recently.” Even now, Harry has no trouble seeing that it isn’t easy for him to talk about it. It’s in how he very carefully takes deep breaths, how he distracts himself by taking Harry’s large hands in his, looking at their fingers intertwining instead of turning around to meet his eyes. “You know I am going to therapy.”

It isn’t a question, all knights do, but Harry knows Eggsy means he goes to far more sessions than what is required of him. Still he nods his head slowly, knowing Eggsy will feel the movement against his hair.

“It was kind of hard at first, but I knew I was angry at so many things and I needed a way to let go or I would implode. And it’s hard to admit that… That you’ve been abused. Or well that part was kind of easy, it was more admitting that my mum had a hand in it. And I don’t want to hear a thing about my mum back then, okay?” He adds that last part in a angry rush, his body tensing up, readying himself for a fight.

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Harry reassures him at once, pressing a kiss against the back of his neck when Eggsy starts relaxing again. It’s not his place to judge, except if he actually wants to get his own faults thrown back in his face. Since it’s a discussion they’ve already had, before they even considered getting together, before he started realising Eggsy’s feelings ran deeper than simple hero-worship, he’s more than okay keeping silent about it.

If Eggsy ever wants to talk about it, it’ll be with his mother and Harry nowhere in sight.

“But yeah, I finally figured it out the last time I was with Vivien. But the thing is, I like it when you call me dearest and darling and most of the others. I like the kisses too,” he turns slightly to nuzzle awkwardly against his cheek and Harry let his lips catch against every inches of skin he can- his brow, his temple, his ear- delighting in the happy sighs his actions elicit. “But I’d like to have both.”

He doesn’t say anything for a long time, pressing his head in the crook of Eggsy’s neck while he gathers his thoughts. Eggsy lets him have his moment, continuing to play with their hands instead.

“If it’s something you really want,” he starts finally, his voice barely above a whisper for some reason, “then I can’t imagine not doing it for you. But I trust you to tell me if it ever gets too much.”

“Yes Harry, of course.” From anyone else, it would sound an attempt to placate him to get what he wants, but he knows Eggsy truly means it. They’ve worked hard to get to that point and Harry means it when he says he trusts him. He trusts him with his life, trusts him with his heart, trusts him to know what he wants and to be honest with him.

“And you’ll tell me now if there is any words you don’t ever want me to say.” He hasn’t missed how Eggsy said ‘ _most of the others_ ’ earlier.

“There’s ‘babe’ even though I’ve never heard you say it and I don’t think you would start now… And… ‘Dear boy’?” He seems so hesitant saying those last words, not that Harry can blame him. It’s one of the endearment he used the most, the words rolling of his tongue without his thinking most of the time.

“Oh Eggsy…” He cannot help but tighten his hold on him, wishing it would somehow erase all the bad things that ever happened to him. “Is it the combination of those two words or is it more about the ‘boy’ part?” He thinks he knows already, since Eggsy didn’t raise any objection to dear and dearest, but he has to ask, he can’t simply assume in this.

“I’d say the ‘boy’ part,” Eggsy says after a bit of pondering, “but I’m not sure… It’s been long since you called me anything but my name you know.”

It’s not a reproach, but Harry feels like it is, like he’s withheld something important from his partner. Eggsy might have told him that he didn’t know and it’s not wrong, but maybe if he had talked about it instead of deciding on his own to stop with the pet names, then Eggsy would have figured it out earlier.

But what is done is done and they can only go forward now.

“Can I test a theory?”

Eggsy nods, but there is an obvious tension in his body, like someone preparing for a hit. Harry would tell him to forget it, but he’s just told Eggsy he trusts him. If he thinks he can deal with whatever fallout may come, then he can and Harry will be there to help.

“What do you think of… ‘Dear heart’?” He waits for several heartbeats, but Eggsy’s only reaction is to lean harder against him. “What about… ‘Lovely darling’?” There’s a shiver, but from what Harry can see of Eggsy’s expression, it’s peaceful. “What if I said… ‘Handsome love’?”

He continues that way for a few minutes, trying out different combination of words he would have paired with ‘boy’ before, smiling gently when Eggsy seems to melt in his embrace. He only stops when Eggsy raises their linked hands to press a reverent kiss to his knuckles.

“I think they’re perfect Harry.”

“Good.”

Of course, it doesn’t mean it’ll go back to how it was at first when all of his talks with Eggsy were peppered with pet names, not when he knows the discomfort they can cause. He’ll take his cue from his lover to know when it’s a good time for it.

But for now, he’s simply happy and humbled to realise that Eggsy’s trust in him is as deep as his own because he shared his vulnerability with him.

And even though he wouldn’t have believed it possible, he falls in love all over again that night, knowing that when they’re together, no monsters, be they made of flesh or merely in their hearts, stand a chance.


End file.
